My surprise from Jeff

My husband has been so supportive as we have gone through this cancer journey together.  He has come to all of my doctor's appointments and chemo treatments.

Back when I first met with my surgeon in October to get the biopsy results I had both Jeff and my mom come with me.  It was at the Ogden Clinic on Harrison Blvd.  We were admiring all the pretty outdoor pictures that they have hung throughout the clinic.  There was one in particular that I just loved.  It was a sunrise coming up over the mountains after what looked like a rainy night.  I have two interpretations of this picture.  The first one being that no matter how hard today might be, tomorrow the sun will come up and you will be given a new day.  The other interpretation I have of this photo is a glimpse into Heaven.  There are sun rays shining through and it is as if you are peeking into Heaven.  This picture gives me so much peace and I could stare at it for hours.  Anyway we admired this picture each and every time we had an appointment with my surgeon at Ogden Clinic.  One time Jeff ended up taking a picture of this photo and little did I know he was on a journey of his own to track down the photographer and get this print for me.

The print had the photographers name written on it and Jeff tried many times to search the internet to find him, each time without any luck.  In April he was selling an item on KSL and the couple that came to our house to buy it started talking with Jeff about where they work and the gal said that she just got through hanging pictures at a clinic up in Logan.  Jeff asked her about this photographer Kevin Mikkelsen and sure enough she knew of him and was able to give Jeff the information he needed to contact Kevin.  I was not home this night so I had no clue of this conversation.

Jeff was able to contact Kevin and told him about my journey and how much we admire his portraits that are in the Ogden Clinic and told him about this one particular print.  Kevin knew exactly which one it was and was able to get it printed for Jeff.  Jeff wanted to present it to me on Friday, May 15th which is the last day of my radiation treatments and the conclusion of my cancer treatments.  However, Kevin wanted to deliver this portrait in person and watch me open it.  He was not going to be in town on Friday so Jeff had him come on the Sunday before my last week of radiation.  It also happened to be Mother's Day and also Kevin's anniversary but he came anyway.  I was making dinner for my mom and little did I know Jeff had her come over early so she could be a part of what was about to happen.  At 4:30PM there was a knock at the door and Jeff answered it and had all of us sit down in the family room.  Kevin had the print but it was wrapped up in paper.  He handed it to Jeff and he stood up and told me all about his journey in finding Kevin to get this print for me.  I was crying because this is the most thoughtful thing anybody has ever done for me.  He went through so much searching to find Kevin.  I opened it and immediately recognized this as being the print at Ogden Clinic that we had been admiring for months.  I was a little embarrassed because I had been cleaning the trailer all day and cooking dinner and I was still in my pajamas.  Jeff couldn't say anything to me about getting ready because then it would have spoiled the surprise.

Me, my mom and Kaci with Kevin

I had Jeff take this picture right before we hung it up the next day (I have a little makeup on)

 Before Kevin left he signed the photo for me.  I guess the ones at Ogden Clinic automatically print with his name on them but Jeff wanted him to bring a pen and sign it for us in person.  Kevin is like a celebrity to us.  We absolutely love his portraits in the Ogden Clinic.

We decided to hang this up in our bathroom above our tub.  I want to be able to see it each morning and if it was in our bedroom I wouldn't get to see it.  I wake up in the dark and then leave in the dark because Jeff doesn't wake up until after I leave in the morning.  I love waking up to this picture.  It has so much sentimental value for me.  It truly is a reminder of the journey that I have been on. 

My husband is the best and I am truly blessed that he chose me to spend his life with.  He has been there every step of the way and our love is so much stronger now than it has ever been.  We are hoping and praying for many more years together.

 

All done with radiation

Today I finished my 5 weeks of radiation and Jeff came with me to celebrate.  I was so ready to be done because I am burned so bad.  Yesterday they prescribed me Silvadene cream to put on the burns and recommended Ibuprofen for the pain.  It is helping quite a bit.  Also yesterday Dr. Fisher said that he hasn't seen an exit burn with the Tomotherapy machine but I have a rather large one on my back.  He also said that most people do not burn as bad as I have.  I am not surprised though, it seems that I get the rare side effects of everything. 

I was also told that my skin will get worse over the next week or so before it gets better.  I am not looking forward to that but I will do my best to try and manage my pain.

I am going to miss all of my friends at Gamma West at Ogden Regional.  I have spent the last 5 weeks with them and have gotten to know them all.  When I left today they gave me a bag with a blanket for myself and one for Kaci.  I love how people are so thoughtful and think about my daughter. 

Now that my cancer treatments are done I plan on living life to the fullest and making a ton of memories.  I hope and pray that this is the last time I have to deal with cancer but it isn't up to me, it is up to God.  In the meantime I just need to make sure all my days count.  I really do have a greater perspective about life and a stronger sense of compassion, empathy and love for others.  I am blessed to have been given this trial.

Jeff and I went out to breakfast to celebrate the end of my cancer treatments.  Then I went to work for four hours.  Tonight and tomorrow I get to celebrate with Kaci.  She is dancing at all 4 dance recitals this weekend.  I am so proud of her and this will be the end of the dance season.  We made it!

Me and my awesome nurse and friend Bonnie (Sorry it is a blurry picture)

Me and Brooke.  She is the one that makes sure I am lined up correctly and puts me into the Tomotherapy machine for treatment.

I got to ring another bell today to signal the end of treatment.

 

Last week of radiation and burn pictures

This is my last week of radiation.  This Friday I will have completed all 5 weeks.  Last Friday I was super itchy, dry and red.  I told Brooke that I am ready to put lotion on instead of the Radiation Rescue product that I have been using as a trial for them.  She gave me Aquaphor by Cetaphil and told me to use that and it would help hydrate my skin.  She said it is up to me if I still wanted to use the Radiation Rescue cream as well.  This weekend all I used was the Aquaphor and felt much better.  I am still super red and rashy but at least I get some relief with Aquaphor product.  Today she said my skin looked much better.

I cannot sleep on my right side because it hurts to bad.  I just hope that this week doesn't get too much worse than it is right now.  I am a little uncomfortable but I am not letting it get me down.  In fact this weekend I got so much done.  I cleaned the carpets, helped Kaci clean up the toy room for over 2 hours, cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned the trailer, did mounds of wash because I had all the linens in the trailer to get done too.  I worked so hard but it is so nice to have energy again.  It was a very successful weekend.

Below my neck

My back

My armpit

I am excited for Friday and being done with my treatments.  It is going to be weird to not have anywhere to go after this.  Looking back to November when I was diagnosed, May seemed so far away and I thought it would never get here.  I am nervous to be done with the doctors appointments and treatments because it has been my life for the past 7 months.  I am sure I will get used to it really quick.  We are hoping to get our trailer up to Sourdough this weekend and start camping.  I will be super busy as life resumes that I probably won't even think about all the appointments I used to go to.  We plan on camping every weekend this summer so the weekdays after work I will have to take care of the house and laundry.  I can't wait to make memories this summer.  I sure hope everything goes well for me.

My hair is continuing to grow like crazy.  In fact you can see the brown tint on my head now.  It is so much fun watching it grow.  My eyelashes and eyebrows are completely gone but there is new growth where they used to be.  It won't be long before they are back.  I am hoping in another month or so I will have enough of a covering of hair on my head that I won't want to wear my wig any longer.  It just needs to fill in and get a little thicker and longer before I am comfortable stepping out with my wig.  

I meet with my oncologist next Monday to discuss the hormone therapy treatments.

Life is good and I can't wait to share what Jeff did for me this weekend.  He gave me the best surprise of my life.  It was a gift to celebrate the end of my treatments.  I will share it after I complete radiation on Friday. 

4th week radiation update

I only have 1 week and 2 days left of radiation.  I can't believe how fast it is going.  This past weekend I broke out in a rash just below my neck and also on my back.  Today they told me it is from radiation and that it can go through you and affect your back as well.  It is super itchy and very sore and red.  It is going to be something I will have to deal with until I am done.  I was doing so good too but of course I get all the side effects so I am not really surprised.  I will keep putting the Radiation Rescue cream on and also Hydrocortizone cream for the itching.  I saw doctor Fisher today and he is a little concerned with the burning under my armpit.  He said to put the cream on 4-5 times a day.  He said the skin is still intact so that is good but it is an area of concern because of how red it is.  He said it will probably peel.  For me it is only a little bit sore but the skin is super tight and it hurts when I lay down at night if I lay on it wrong. 

Life is good and I am looking forward to summer.  Kaci just finished the last of her dance competitions this past weekend and in two weeks we have her recital.  It is such a relief to me that we were able to get through it all.  I was so stressed out about all the extra practices and competitions when I was feeling so bad but we made it.  I am super proud of her, she has done so well this year.  School will be out in 3 weeks and we plan on doing a lot of camping this summer.  I am glad that I have more energy now and want to do everything I can this summer to have fun because you never know what the future holds. 

Eyebrows and eyelashes disappearing 6 weeks post chemo

Today marks 6 weeks post chemo.  I am feeling great.  My fingernails still look terrible but none of them have torn off.  I have been very diligent to keep them cut as short as I can stand it.  My eyelashes however are almost gone.  Last week they started to thin quite a bit.  My one eye only has a few lashes left but the good news is, is new ones are starting to grow in their place.  Even if the rest of them fall out it won't be long until I have a full set of lashes again.  I have also noticed my eyebrows are doing the same thing but I don't see any new growth as of now.  I am not worried about it, I am so over the way I look.

My hair however is really starting to turn brown and get longer.  It is still not very thick quite yet but each day I wake up there is new growth.  Sometimes I think I can even feel it growing, it is a really weird feeling.

5 weeks post chemo and HAIR!!! Plus a radiation update.

Today marks 5 weeks since my last chemo treatment.  Just last week I started to feel more and more like myself.  The fatigue that I have been battling for months has subsided quite a bit.  I am able to get out of bed either before my alarm or right when it goes off.  My fingernails have not turned white any more than they already were and are starting to grow out.  I have to keep them clipped really short until all the white grows out because I don't want to snag them.  They still look terrible but that is the last of my worries.  Now on to my hair.

My hair has some small stubble up until my last treatment but last week it has really taken off.  I have fuzz all over my head but of course most of it is still white.  Last week some brown started showing through and I have quite a few hairs that are 1/4" long.  I will take it!  I am just excited to have a little bit of hair.  Of course I wish it would grow faster.  I am still using the Nioxin kit and hopefully it will help it grow super fast once everything wakes up.  This whole journey has been crazy but watching my hair start to come back has been so much fun.  I am hoping that all of my hair will eventually come in brown like it was before. I have taken some pictures but it is really hard to see right now with most of it being white.  I still look like I am completely bald but I assure you I am not.  My favorite thing all along has been to rub my head, now it is even funner as I can feel all the hair.  I am trying not to look to close so that when I do look I will be excited to see the new growth but Jeff and Kaci are so cute and every day they rub my head and get so excited and tell me all about it.  I love that my family is just as excited for me as I am.  I love them so much.

Today also marks the beginning of the 3rd week of radiation.  Towards the end of the 2nd week I started getting a little red but it was not painful at all.  Today the gal who helps get me into the machine looked at my skin like she does every Monday since I am on the trial for the Radiation Rescue cream and noticed that my skin was really dry around my scar and was a little bit flaky.  She said to make sure I get a lot of cream in that area and really let it soak in.  I also need to start putting the cream on three times a day to hopefully get rid of the dryness. 

Before when I was on chemo I had to take a lot of pills now that I am onto radiation I have to make sure to put the cream on and sit with nothing on so that it can soak into my skin and then for my hair I put the Nioxin on 3 times a day. I would take this over taking pills any day so I need to stop complaining now.  This will all be over here shortly. 

3 weeks post chemo

Today I am 3 weeks post chemo.  All the achy side effects are gone but I am so tired all the time.  I have been trying to work full days and after work I go home and lay down for a little bit.  It is the only way I can make it through homework, dinner etc.  Of course now radiation has started today I will only be working about 6 hours per day.  I am so worn out by 3:00PM each day and where I am still getting up at the same time to make it to Ogden Regional on time I don't know that I will be able to stay longer than 3:00PM.  Time will tell. 

Last week I got another lovely side effect from the chemo.  My fingernails started turning white and lifting from my nail beds.  I have to be super careful not to snag them at all or they will tear the part where the nails are attached.  While this is not too painful I am sure it will be should they snag.  Each morning when I wake up I see more whiteness than the night before.  I have trimmed my nails as short as I can get them to try and avoid the snags.  I may have to resort to putting Band-aids on all of my fingers if it gets worse.  My fingers are still a little bit numb and they do hurt more where the nails are lifting off. 

On a good note and I am afraid once again to actually type this out but I still have my eyebrows, eyelashes and the hair on my arms.  I am hoping to hold on to them but I am still nervous that they might fall out.  If I can make it to 6 weeks post chemo without them falling out then I will have some hope that they might be here to stay but for now I wait.

I started Nioxin which is a shampoo, conditioner and scalp treatment to try and regrow hair.  One of my friends that is a cosmetologist got it for me.  Along with that is a hair regrow serum that is fairly new for Nioxin but it is similar to female Rogaine.  I started it last Wednesday, April 8th.  While I won't know if this is working or not I figure it is worth a try.  I had quite a bit of stubble during my last chemo treatment and the stubble is definitely longer but it is still white so you cannot see it unless you tilt the mirror just right.  I am so hoping it gets its pigment back soon and the color will start to show through.  I was told that hair starts to regrow around 6 weeks or so.  I can't wait until I can ditch the wig.  I will probably ditch it as soon as I have some color on top.  People will have to get used to seeing me with super short hair for a while as it grows back.  I am totally comfortable with my bald head at home both inside and outside so I don't think I will have a problem with my super short new do.  I just need enough color to show through to hide my huge red spot on the back of my head and then I will ditch the wig out in public as well.  Hopefully by the end of June I will have enough to cover my head and I can go natural especially with the heat of summer almost upon us.