I have to be at Ogden Regional at 9:30AM however my surgery won't be until later this afternoon. I am the 4th of 4 women who are all getting bilateral mastectomy's today. I am also the youngest. Dr. Megan told me that they are in their 60's and 70's. I know it is equally as hard on each one of us no matter how old we are. I pray for them today as well. I can't believe there are so many women, young and old with breast cancer. It's amazing how a part of bodies that we were given to feed our children can turn up with cancer and in turn kill us if we don't take care of it.
The part I am the most nervous about is the lymph node removal. Dr. Megan is removing no more than 5 nodes because imaging does not support that this cancer has metastasized into them but it is better to test them just in case. I am having a sentinel node biopsy, so they will do an injection of radioactive fluid and dye which will in turn go to the sentinel nodes (the nodes that breast fluid will first drain in to). If it is in my nodes I don't know what will happen next. I know all the chemo treatments will stay the same but I can only hope it doesn't mean another surgery. However, I would do another surgery if that is what is needed to survive this. I have said so many prayers and hopefully I will get a break this time. Everything about this "mass" I found has turned out worst case scenario and I sure hope this is good news with my nodes. Dr. Megan said she should know hopefully by Wednesday and will call me as soon as she finds out.
I hope and pray for Kaci, Jeff and mom that they will get through today with peace in their hearts. I know this is really going to hit Kaci once she starts to see what I am going through. Up until this point she has been herself which I am thankful for. I don't want her to be unhappy or scared. I am going to do my best to make her life as normal as possible. I don't want her worrying about me all the time. She is such a sweet and kind girl and I know she will help comfort me in times of need and I won't turn her away. I am sure there will be times we cry together. I only hope that when she grows up she doesn't remember a whole lot about her mom having cancer. I do know that this experience will make her stronger.
I love my family so much and look forward to seeing them all at the hospital with me today. Wayne and Debby, Bonnie, and Mom, Jeff and Kaci will all be there waiting for me. Just knowing I have such a great family gives me comfort as I go in today. I love them all so much.
Last night our family came and brought us dinner and dessert. After we ate then my Aunt Karen and her family came over so that her dad and brother could give me a priesthood blessing. The blessing was so amazing and so comforting. The word peace was used so much. I know my Heavenly Father is close to me and I am not alone in any of this. I will get through this and I will help others who are getting ready to start their journey. I will not stop. I believe this cancer diagnosis is an answer to my prayers. I have been praying for something "big" to help make a difference in others lives and I believe this is my answer. Once I beat this I want to get involved with breast cancer awareness, walks, helping others etc. My Aunt Karen is going through chemo right now, the same kind that I will be on. She looked amazing and while she was not feeling good yesterday since she just had a Taxol treatment on Friday she still came out to support me. It meant so much to me that she came over last night. It was also good to see my cousins Nikkol and Kyle. I have not seen them in a while and I know they are behind me 100% just like they are their mom. I have so many people on my "team" hoping and praying for me. The guys and gals at work are all rooting for me too. They have all the said the kindest words and I cannot believe how many of the guys cried with me last week. They seriously have hearts of gold.
So as I go in to today I can find the peace and comfort in knowing so many people care about me and my family. They are all praying for me.
That is all for today. It might be a while before I can write again as I will be on some heavy duty pain killer drugs.
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