Today is Friday and while I had planned on working all day, Kaci has the
stomach bug. I worked for one hour to get things wrapped up before my
first chemo treatment on Monday. I am nervous to get sick especially
for Monday because I know it would get delayed. Poor Kaci has been in the
bathroom all day, while the puking has subsided she still won't come
out. I know she doesn't want to get me sick. I have taken her crackers
and water all day. Poor girl, all I want to do is go in the bathroom
with her and hold her while she pukes, especially when she is in there
crying. This is when I realized that my life really is different right
now, I cannot even help my girl when she is sick. It is going to be a
long winter but at least I know it won't last forever.
Yesterday
the kind people I work with moved my office upstairs for the time
being. I felt it would be easier to "hibernate" this winter as I am
doing chemo. This way I will not be helping the walk in customers and won't have to worry about all the traffic that we get downstairs. Either way I am blessed to work where I
do. They have all been more than accommodating and have been so
generous. I could not work with better people.
I am getting
really anxious for Monday and just wish that time would stand still and I
won't have to deal with Monday. I am the most nervous for my hair to
fall out. While I have a cute wig that resembles my new shorter haircut
I still want my own hair. I feel like cancer has taken so much from me
already and it is going to take even more from me. I know the hair is
temporary but until you are faced with losing it you just don't
understand. I think the hair part is going to be the absolute hardest
for me. I am however grateful for the tender mercy that was given to me
on Monday at my chemo class. While we were there waiting in the oncologist's office out walks my cousin Debbie Stevens, we hugged and hugged. She just knew
that it was going to be me there for that class. I had no idea she
worked there and I feel so blessed that she will be the one to do my
very first chemo treatment. I am going to ask if she can be there for
all of them. It gives me so much comfort in knowing that my own family
member will be seeing me through it. I love Debbie so much and while I
did not get the privilege of getting to be with her much growing up, I
know that we will have all of this time together and we will be life long
friends after this. She has lived close to me and Jeff ever since we
got married and I have seen her at Bear Lake a couple of times during Raspberry Days and at some of our yard sales
that we have had over the years. I am so excited to get to know her
more. She is the sweetest person I know and she is made for this job.
Here
is to hoping and praying that I handle chemo as well as I handled the
surgery. I went back to work after 2 weeks, obviously not full-time but
I at least went in three days last week for a couple of hours each
day. This week I was able to work a full day on Tuesday, part of the
day on Wednesday only because I had 3 appointments, one at 11:00AM,
1:00PM and 3:00PM. Yesterday I was wiped out and only worked for about
4-1/2 hours or so. It has been so nice to go to work and feel somewhat
"normal". It has helped me a ton mentally. I still have constant pain
but I don't let it interfere much with my daily activities, it hits me
more at night when I lay down. That is usually when I will take Motrin,
Alleve or Tylenol.
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