There are so many things that I have learned about chemotherapy that I didn't know before until I went through it and of course most people won't go through all these side effects, I was the unlucky one:
I had no idea that chemo affects the outside of your body as well as the inside. I had numerous side effects that affected my face as if losing my hair wasn't enough. I had the rash on my face as well as shoulders, back and arms that wasn't so much as itchy as it was painful from the AC chemo. I had a huge sore that appeared out of nowhere on the inside of my nose but made the outside of my nose swell up and turn red. My eyes watered steady on AC that limited how much make up I could put on. My right eyelid swelled up so big that it was hard to see out of that eye. I had a urinary tract infection as well as painful urination. I have had hot flashes like no other that affect my sleep. I have had sore throats with my tonsils covered in white pus that hurt so bad to swallow that has affected how much I could eat and there were times I would spit out my saliva just so I didn't have to swallow it. I had been congested and had a deep cough throughout AC, it is like having a cold that doesn't go away that also affected my sleep. I had that dreaded fever over 100.4 which required a doctor's visit and the start of antibiotics.
Chemo really does zap your energy. I tried to be tough the first round and didn't get very far but without knowing what to expect I thought I could go to work the next day without any problem. I didn't realize how tired and exhausted I would feel. The first round of AC was by far the worst and it was even hard to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, I was that weak.
The nausea is very real with AC. It was literally like being pregnant again for 2 months. If I didn't have food in my stomach steady then I would feel it the worst. The anti-nausea medication they gave me really did help but didn't take it away completely. Each round after my first round of AC got a little bit easier nausea wise.
Chemo really does dehydrate you and very fast. I love water and didn't think I would experience it but with the yucky taste left in my mouth this was by far the hardest part. I put flavors in my water to try and get enough and then resorted to hot chocolate and decaf coffee. I had to go in for fluid two times and I honestly wished I would have done it each and every time, it really did make a difference.
I have learned about the power of prayer. I chose not to practice any certain religion but I have always been a very spiritual person and prayed almost daily anyway. Now I pray numerous times per day. I never feel alone and always feel comfort from the other side. It has helped me through it in my most difficult times. I do believe that I am given this trial for a reason and I feel it is my responsibility to share my experience with others. Right now all I have is a blog to share with you but once I am healed and feel emotionally ready I want to get involved in the community and help others who are having to deal with cancer. I feel it is the least I could do.
This really is not just about me but my entire family. Jeff has been so good to me. I never have to worry who will go to my chemo appointments. He may be hurting on the inside but I never saw it. Kaci is always saying she wishes she could have friends over and wishes for other things, it hurts me so much. It always makes me cry when she wishes for things that just cannot happen right now. I keep telling her that we are all going through hard times right now and once chemotherapy is done then we can resume our lives and she can have her friends over again. I wish she would stop saying she wishes but I know she is just a child and doesn't fully understand. She has seen me crying at times and I know it scares her and I try and hide it but sometimes she finds me in my moments of weakness. I guess it is good for her because I do break down sometimes too.
I feel some friends and family have pulled away from me. I feel that some friends and family must be scared of me as they have stayed away for the most part, while it hurts my feelings I also get where they are coming from. What do you say to someone who is going through this? Sometimes words are hard to find. Going through it myself I now know that I will never leave anyone alone and will send that simple text, email or phone call at least every week unless of course they tell me that they are bugging me. This blog is good but I don't hear from people as often but I do like that I can keep everyone up to date but just a simple text saying "I love you" or "I am thinking of you today" would mean so much. I can't tell other people how to help but I do know how to help other people now. I was one of those people who probably pulled away from friends or family when something bad happened to them because I didn't know what to day.
I have been so humbled by good friends and good neighbors who have brought over countless meals even though they have families of their own. I thought I would never be willing to accept help from others but this experience has taught me that this is their way to show they care and I believe that they will get special blessings from it.
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