Thankful

As this month comes to a close I want everybody to know how thankful I am.  I am thankful for feeling so good lately.  I am thankful that I am where I am today and not where I was last year at this time.  I am thankful for great family and friends that helped me so much this past year especially my dear kind neighbors who delivered countless meals to us.  I know it was not easy for them as they had their own families to take care of.

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  We made the dinner at our house and even with the power going out numerous times and taking the turkey to my mom's house to cook it all turned out just fine.  We just kept laughing about it because it was crazy.  It seriously would go off for less than a minute and then turn back on.  Each time it went off we had to turn the oven back on.  After about the 15th time we gave up and that is when we took the turkey to my mom's.  Our family all came over and helped with the last minute preparations and dinner turned out wonderful.  After dinner we hit Wal-Mart.  Thanksgiving is not complete without Black Friday shopping at Wal-Mart.  I was a little disappointed though, it was not nearly as crazy as it has been in the past.  I guess it was good that it was so organized this year because nobody got hurt.  We got what we went for and then went over to Kohl's for a few minutes.  After Kohl's we were ready to go home.  I didn't have anything else that I needed and I wasn't about to spend unnecessary money.

My Jakey Boy (yellow lab) is not going to be around much longer and that made Thanksgiving a little hard for me emotionally.  I was so looking forward to the holiday's this year after what I went through last year but with Abby leaving us on Halloween, then taking Jake to the vet the Tuesday before Thanksgiving also thinking that he must have some teeth that are giving him problems, they found a huge cancerous tumor in his mouth.  I was told it is one of three kinds of oral cancer and they are very aggressive.  The vet said that this will end his life.  He sent us home with a strong pain killer and prepared us for what is to come.  I am hoping to be able to keep him through Christmas as Christmas is his favorite holiday.  He seriously likes to unwrap presents, I cannot put any presents under my tree or he will get them and tear them to shreds.  I do know that even if he is around on Christmas that it won't be the same, his mouth is sore and I doubt he will play with his new tennis balls we got him let alone help all of us unwrap our presents.  Jake and Abby were my first kids, we got them both after we got married and they have always been a part of our family.  I miss Abby so much and now knowing that Jake will be going soon it is too much to bear.  I am a wreck emotionally.  I think this waiting and wondering when it is "time" is the hardest part.  I am hoping he will pass on his own but likely it is a decision that we will have to make for him.  He wasn't doing very good on Thanksgiving and I really thought we were going to have to do it on Friday or Saturday but those "magic" pain pills have really given him that sparkle back in his eyes.  I know he is still in pain, how could you not be with a half a golf ball size tumor under your tongue?  But he does appear to be much more comfortable and happier.  I know his quality of life is about gone but for now we are spoiling him with table food and soft canned dog food.  I really can't bear giving him the hard food because it has to hurt him.

Anyway, I still have so much to be thankful for and I am most thankful for getting Jake and Abby all of these years and having them by my side this past year as I went through everything.  I do know and understand that at 13 years old (almost 14years old) that it is clearly the end of their lives.  I am comforted by the fact that I know they will be in a good place and be happy and free from all their earthly pain.