Another trip (Best Friends Animal Sanctuary)

This past weekend (September 24th-September 27th) Kaci and I along with Debby were able to take a trip to Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Kanab, Utah.  We planned this trip a year ago last August and this was the only trip that was planned last year that we didn't have to cancel due to my cancer diagnosis.  We decided to keep the reservations and see what the next year brought.  Good news for me, I was feeling great and still wanted to go on this trip.

We were able to stay on property at one of the cottages.  We volunteered each day for two shifts each with the exception of our last day where we only did one shift.  We volunteered with the dogs, cats and rabbits.  It was such a rewarding experience.  They need the volunteers to walk the dogs and to socialize with all the animals as well as a little bit of cleaning.  If they had to hire enough care takers then they wouldn't have much money left over to help the animals.  It was amazing and we met some really neat cats and dogs.  It was so hard to not take them home with us.  They do have nice living conditions unlike the shelters but it is still not a home and that one special person to bond to.

We were able to take a dog "Happy" on a sleepover one night.  He is a rottie mix and the sweetest thing ever.  He was so good with Kaci and was so happy the entire time, hence his name.  He joined us about 3:30PM and we took him on many walks but he would not potty.  Finally at 9:30PM that night he went potty but that was after coaxing him for over a half our.  We were ready to throw in the towel and just let him go on the floor if he needed to.  He slept with me in my bed all night.  He loved being comfortable on the sofa and the bed.  We had to return him at 8:00AM the next morning and then be to our next area to volunteer by 8:15AM.   I sure hope someone adopts him soon, he was rescued from New Mexico.  The next night we decided to take 2 kitties from the FELV room.  These kitties probably won't ever get adopted because of their illness and most only live 2-4 years after diagnosis.  These cats have to live with other cats that have this same virus or else they will infect the healthy cats.  We though the cats would be easier than Happy, boy were we wrong.  These silly girls kept us up all night with digging in their litter box and jumping up on our beds and purring all night long.  It was worth it though, it was nice to give them some one on one attention.

I highly recommend a visit to this place if your travels takes you out this way.  People come from all over the United States just to visit and volunteer at this sanctuary.  Some even adopt from them without a visit as they will fly most cats and dogs to their new homes.  These are some really special animals and it was such a gift to me that we got to meet them.

I love the co-founders and all they did to get this place up and running.  I only wish I was able to do something like this.  I have such a soft spot in my heart for animals, always have and always will.  When I was going through treatments my 3 dogs and cat were there for me every step of the way.  Animals just know when something is not right and they tend to cuddle up to you and give you more loves than usual.  I was so worried I was going to lose Jake during my treatments but he hung on and I think he hung on for me.  I just couldn't lose my first born fur kid while I was going through everything.  I do think our time left with him is getting shorter by the day.  He is falling down all the time, his back legs won't hold him up anymore. 

I have had the time of my life the past few months.  I have seriously been so busy this summer and I still have a couple more trips left.  After all I went through I vowed to myself that I will make this the best half year of my life and that it has been!!!!  I will find a way to pay for these trips later on.  I just had to make sure to get them in now while I feel good and as a reward to me and my family for what we have been through.  After these next 2 trips then we will take a break for the winter.  Hopefully next year will be good to us and we can travel a little bit more.

Medical Menopause Sucks!!!!!

I try and keep the things I say on here positive but sometimes I have to be real so that people understand that just because I am done with my treatments doesn't mean that I am back to feeling great and 100% normal and done with the side effects.

Chemo can do a number on your body and the side effects will last a lifetime.  I still have not  gotten my period back.  I am still in menopause and the longer I go without my cycle the more likely it is that I am in permanent menopause.  There are so many things that go along with this that I didn't even know until it happened to me.  Also because it happened medically and not on its own the side effects tend to be worse.  Even if my cycle does appear sometime in the future these side effects will remain because of the hormone blockers I have to take for at least 10 years if not more. 

I am still having so many hot flashes every day.  Along with getting super hot and sweaty, my heart races and makes me quite anxious.  Times this by about 30 of them a day and I am just down right uncomfortable.  My doctor says that they will die down over time but he cannot tell me how much time it will take.  My only relief would be to go on hormone therapy and receive estrogen supplements but with my cancer being hormone receptor positive this would only be nutrition for the cancer cells in my body.  I have tried the antidepressants that some people say helps to minimize their hot flashes and while I was only on it for 3 months, I didn't notice that it helped at all so rather than having my body become addicted to them, I chose to quit them cold turkey.

Along with the hot flashes I get what feels like cold flashes.  I am rarely at a comfortable temperature.  I am usually extremely hot or extremely cold.  It is so hard!!!!

The skin near my nail beds on both my hands and feet continue to crack and bleed. No amount of moisturizer seems to help.   I knew my skin would be dry once I lacked the estrogen but overall elsewhere on my body it seems to be under control but I do put on moisturizer on every day but there is no relief for my hands.

I have to urinate often.  Apparently this is another side effect of menopause and the lack of estrogen in your body.  I usually get up about 6-8 times during the night.  With each hot flash, I have to go to the bathroom even if I just barely went.  I spend a lot of time in the bathroom and washing my hands which might be why my fingers are suffering from so much dryness. 

I also cannot lose any weight.  I have been exercising and eating right for quite some time now and the weight won't come off.  Another side effect of stupid menopause brought on my cancer treatments!!!  I hate it.  I am having a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror.  I have never been this heavy.  I will continue to eat right and exercise anyway.  It is worth it to me to keep my body healthy even if it doesn't show.

My legs hurt all the time.  My doctor said it is probably arthritis due to menopause.  It sure came on fast.  My last cycle was last December and I started with the pain in May.  Some days are worse than others but I seriously walk like an old lady.  The pain is mostly concentrated in my heels but my hips do hurt at least once or twice a week.  I still get on the tread mill every single day and just walk through the pain.  I am starting to learn to live with constant pain. 

I think back on all of those years I just took my health for granted.  I was given so many good years.  I do not like that chemo has taken its toll on my body.  What's done is done and I cannot go back and change it even if I wanted to.  Sometimes I question myself on my choice to do chemo.  Sure I am here and I am alive but my quality of life is suffering greatly.  I won't even go into how it has affected my intimate relationship with my husband.  You get the idea!!!!  I am just so thankful that I have the best husband in the world who is so supportive and understanding.  I know without a doubt that he truly loves me and our love is so much deeper than all of this.  

Breast Cancer and it's treatments are really hard and I did not know about all of this that happens following the treatments.  It's hard to say what I would have done had I known all of this. 

End of summer

Wow, what a fun and crazy summer I have had.  We have camped more than I have ever  camped before.  It was so much fun spending time with family and friends this summer.  We camped at Sourdough, Fillmore, Bear Lake, Grand Teton and Yellowstone as well as went for many ATV rides.

This last weekend for Labor Day we were able to go with our friends camping at Bear Lake.  While the weather wasn't the best it was still so much fun.  We went to the beach, taught the kids how to play the lottery in Idaho, did Minnetonka Cave, rented the silly bicycles at the KOA, had a campfire and movie night, went out for a Big Ephraim pizza and milkshakes.   The kids played so hard on the playground, jumping pillow, miniature golf and swimming pool.  We didn't want the weekend to end it was just so perfect.  We already have another trip planned for next year to Dinosaur Land in Vernal, we cannot wait.

I am getting a little nervous as fall sets in as this was when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I know this fall will be better than the last but I get nervous the closer it gets.  Those feelings I had last year are starting to resurface.  I just need to keep busy as it approaches.  I still have a few more trips coming up that I am really excited about but once they end and life slows down that is when I need to keep my mind from going down "that road".

After I finished radiation in May I was determined to make this last half of 2015 be the best every and so far I must say that I am happier than I have ever been and so grateful to be alive and healthy.  This summer was honestly the best I have ever had and I am so thankful for good friends and family that I was able to share it with.  Here is to many more!!!!