Biopsy Results negative, BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 21st was my appointment with Dr. Grunander to get my biopsy results.  I had a very bad week waiting for the pathology test results.  I ended up getting a prescription for Xanax from my OB/GYN last Friday the 17th.  I did not take any until Monday the 20th.  They really do take the edge off, I was so calm about everything while I was taking it.  I also took some on Tuesday and then I started getting sick with a cold.  Wednesday I decided not to take any so I could take my cold medicine.  Thursday I took a Xanax in the morning and then another at 1:30PM.  My appointment was 3:30PM.  Mom and Jeff both met me at the house and we drove up together.  Right when we got to the room and Megan came in to introduce herself I told her I just wanted to know the results right then and there.  She said it was benign but and it was a big BUT, Dr. Alder and herself don't feel that the benign diagnosis correlates with the imagining.  Meaning that the image represents a malignant tumor and the pathology is saying benign.  They had me go back to ultra-sound so Megan could look at it with Dr. Alder in real time.  They both agreed that it just doesn't match.  They wanted to do another biopsy but I told them I did not want to do another one.  I just want it removed.  Megan agreed to take it out on November 3rd, she wanted to wait a little bit longer so that the bruising can be healed up by surgery day.  She said because we are taking it out with a benign diagnosis she will not take a very large area around it as she would if it was malignant.  Then they will send the entire thing to pathology.  Should it come back benign then I am done.  I will have a 3" horizontal scar on the upper quadrant of my breast.  There is also a good possibility that it might leave an indent but would be hidden by wearing a bra  Should it come back malignant then they have to do back in and take out more breast tissue (even a possible mastectomy) as well as lymph nodes.  I told her I am okay with that should that happen.  I told her about our Disneyworld trip on December 13th and she said we can post pone the next surgery if needed until after we get back.  I am hopeful that it will all be benign and that one surgery is all that I will need.  They said they have never seen anything like this before and Dr. Alder was the one that questioned this pathology report.  I might be the exception to the rule and I only hope that I am.

For now I am calm, not nervous at all.  I have hope this time around that I did not have last week.  If the three areas they biopsied were benign then I can't help but feel that the whole tumor is benign.  The tumor has all the characteristics of a malignant tumor.  It is not symmetrical and it has jagged edges all around it.  I might have just received my miracle.  I sure hope so.  I feel that there is so much more to see and do in my life and I am not ready for cancer.  Only time will tell.  After my surgery I have no idea how long I will have to wait to find out the next pathology results.  I do know for sure that I am not going to be as nervous as this last round because those 3 pieces were benign.