Breakup with a doctor

So back in December I posted about another great doctor on my team.  One that is into practicing holistic medicine.  I do need to start by saying that yes, she has gotten my cholesterol under control holistically (Red Yeast Rice) and I am very grateful for that.  She has also introduced me to COQ10 as well as diagnosing the MTHFR gene so now I am taking a methyl form of B vitamins which should help my liver process out toxins better. 

This week I had another appointment with her and we were discussing my overall health and when I told her that I am not sleeping at night she asked me why.  As if we haven't discussed me being in permanent menopause at age 41 and the hot flashes that occur almost hourly each and every day.  In fact back in December she tried to prescribe me Zoloft until I told her I couldn't take that drug because if its interaction with Tamoxifen.  I said to myself "whatever" and re-discussed menopause with her.  She told me to try Xanax and I had to tell her that there are only 4 medicines out there that I can even try and take with being ER/PR positive and I am pretty sure Xanax was not one of them.  She pulled out her phone to research to see if Xanax is safe and she told me it doesn't react with Tamoxifen.  I told her that I have a prescription for Effexor and she told me not to even try it, that it is not good for hot flashes.  Now I have researched everything about breast cancer and I mean everything and a lot of people find success with Effexor.  I just haven't had time to give it a try because of how tired it made me that one day that I tried it.  I am waiting for the perfect time to try it and I want to start it on a Friday night when I know that I can sleep in on the weekend and so far I haven't had a chance but I will try it eventually! 

Then she told me to try Estrovera for hot flashes which is a supplement that has been known to help hot flashes after 12 weeks.  Just the name of it scares me, it sounds too much like estrogen and that is a very scary word for someone like me.  I asked her if it is safe and she said of course it is safe and it doesn't react with Tamoxifen. I have  been told by my oncologist to stay away from any type of supplement that can mimic estrogen and when I told her that she acted like she didn't even hear me and ended up writing it down on the papers she gave me anyway.  I asked her if I should still take my Gabapentin along with it and she said yes, that the Gabapentin is for the bone pain.  What?  I have bone pain that I didn't know I had.  I told her I take Gabapentin for hot flashes and she was floored that I would take that for hot flashes.  However, she should already have notes about this since I started Gabapentin last December and discussed this very drug with her and the reason that I was using it. 

Next, I asked her about appetite suppressant to maybe help me lose some weight since it has been over a year and I cannot lose any.  I haven't gained any since March of last year but I haven't lost any either.  No matter how hard I try my weight won't budge and it is getting very frustrating.  She told me that since I am not sleeping at night as it is so she won't prescribe nor recommend taking any sort of appetite suppressant since they will keep me up all night which is probably true due to the added caffeine in most of them.  She said the best way to lose weight is to eliminate all carbohydrates from my diet.  I tried that back in December for a one week and there is no way I can do that type of a diet long term nor do I believe it is safe to do long term.  She told me that is the only way and that all wheat has Roundup on it and that is what we are eating when we eat wheat.  She had only terrible things to say about any type of grain.  I told her that the dietician I saw in January recommends eating from all the food groups but to try and get more of the whole grains rather than the "white" grains and that I have for the most part completely switched to whole grains.  She went on and on again about how bad they are for you.  I guess everybody has an opinion and what works for one doesn't work for another and I get that.  I just felt like she wasn't listening to me no matter what I said. 

After all of this I was done and just shut down and wanted to get out of there.  She wanted to do a pelvic ultrasound since it has been 6 months and I lied and told her that I will be having those done at the radiology department instead.  In reality I will only do them if my oncologist feels it is necessary since Tamoxifen can cause uterine cancer and if he feels I need one then yes, I will do it at the radiology clinic (this was the suggestion by my surgeon back in January only because she isn't a radiologist and doesn't know everything to look for).  I was in complete disbelief that she was so nice and caring back in December and also in February but this time she was asking me all sorts of things that she should already have notes about.  I feel now like she doesn't know me nor does she have any regard to my health and well being.  

When I was leaving she handed me the prescription for Xanax and because I felt like our whole conversation this time was an argument I just took it and left.  Of course I will never fill it!  I came back to work after this appointment crying and feeling more frustrated than ever.  I wish so bad that I can get over how I look and not worry about my weight, but I do.  I am only 41 freaking years old and I have the weight gain that most women get in their later 50's and 60's when they reach permanent menopause.  Let alone I walk like an old lady because of the arthritis in my legs.  I am having a really hard time right now.  Jeff made me feel better when he told me that he loves me no matter what I look like and he told me that he disagrees with everything that I told him about this doctors appointment.  After that I chose to leave all of this behind me and not look back (with the exception of typing out this blog post, ha, ha). 

I guess it is safe to say that I am officially breaking up with this doctor who by the way really isn't a doctor, she is a nurse midwife!!!!!