I am so excited to announce that I no longer wear my wig! I am so proud of myself. I prayed long and hard for the courage to ditch the wig. Some might not think it is so hard but it is hard when you look entirely different without it. So the last day that I wore it was Thursday, June 18th. That was also the day we left for our weekend getaway ATV trip to Fillmore, Utah. I never wear my hair camping anyway so the weekend wasn't a big deal. I even forwent a hat when we went to dinner at Costa Vida during the trip. I just didn't care, I figured nobody would know me anyway since I was three hours from home.
When we got home on Sunday I was creating anxiety for myself about Monday and if I should wear my hair or not. I knew that on Monday night my best friend Heather was going to trim up my neckline to make my new style look like a style. Waking up on Monday morning I still did not know what I was going to do. I grabbed the wig to put it on and decided right then and there that I am done! I tucked it away in the closest and off I went. As I was kissing Jeff goodbye while he was still sleeping bed, I told him that I wasn't wearing my hair or a hat today. He called me when he woke up and asked if I decided to wear it because it wasn't in the bathroom hanging up like it usually is. I told him that I put it away forever!!! That night when he got home from work he told me that he was talking to his boss and he told her how proud he was of me for going without my hair. Gosh, I love my husband, he is so supportive of me. Even last week when I met with some vendors I went on and on about how much I love my husband and how I picked the right guy to marry over 13 years ago.
The hair thing has been the hardest part so far from the moment I shaved my head to wearing my wig out in public for the first time to now, not wearing my wig at all with my super short boy haircut. Each day that goes by this week the stronger I get and more I really don't care if people stare at me and wonder why my hair is so short. It feels good to just be me! It is also approaching 100 degrees every day and it is so nice to not wear it and be so sweaty. There isn't much I can do with my new style other than to get out of the shower and just comb down the sides and back. The top does what it wants and it is shaping itself into a mow-hawk. I figure I will just go with it and let my hair decide the style it wants to be for now. I don't think I will ever fight with my hair again, I am just glad to have hair and for it to be growing in brown and not gray. I almost think it is darker than before. I love feeling my hair it is so soft and such a different texture than my wig. It is growing fast and sometimes it grows over night. Yesterday when I got up it was longer than it was the day before, I even got out the blow dryer to help the style a little bit and when I got to work Terry told me that she thought it looked like I had more hair on top than I did the day before. I am so glad she said that because at first I thought I might be dreaming!
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
Weekend Getaway!
This past weekend we headed down to Fillmore Utah to go 4-wheeling. This is the first getaway I have had in almost a year. We invited some friends from work to go with us and had the best time. We left Thursday afternoon and came home on Sunday. We took our trailer and stayed at the KOA. The mountains we rode in were so beautiful. I love having ATV's and being able to get deep into the mountains. Without them I would not be able to see how beautiful and breathtaking the mountains really are. This is the also the first time that I don't think I ever thought about cancer once. I felt completely normal and loved every second of it. I know the further away I get from the treatments and once my hair grows out to where I am comfortable, I know cancer will get further from my mind. I love feeling so good these days. I try and make the most of every day. I have told myself that this summer is going to be the best summer of my life. We have been camping the last four weeks prior to this trip up at our Sourdough lot. It has been enjoyable as well. We plan on taking our trailer back to our Sourdough lot and camping every weekend until our RV road trip that we have planned in August. There is just something about being in the mountains. You have no cares or worries in the world and it is completely peaceful.
Looking back to even a month ago when I was finishing up with the side effects of radiation I don't feel like any of it ever happened. I feel like it was all a dream. However I know it happened because I have scars and really short hair. I am also changed on the inside, I have a new appreciation for life and am living it to its fullest. Nobody knows when it is their time to die and you should never take a day for granted because it could be your last. I am living in the moment and not thinking to far into the future because I do not know what it holds. I also don't want to cause myself anxiety about the what ifs of future. As long as I feel good today I am going to make the most of it.
The one side effect that I have developed in the last month or so is pain in my hips, knees and ankles. I feel like an old person every time I get up out of bed or stand up from sitting. I looked it up online and I think it is post chemo rheumatism (joint pain). I do not want to go back to the doctor to ask for sure just in case it is bad news, but I really feel that this is what it is. All the symptoms I have relate to it being this. It sucks but I try to not think about it and just deal with it when it happens. I could have every reason in the world to be depressed but I am not! I refuse to let cancer take away my happiness. I heard a quote the other day that I just love. "Cancer is not a death sentence, but rather a life sentence, it pushes one to live."
Looking back to even a month ago when I was finishing up with the side effects of radiation I don't feel like any of it ever happened. I feel like it was all a dream. However I know it happened because I have scars and really short hair. I am also changed on the inside, I have a new appreciation for life and am living it to its fullest. Nobody knows when it is their time to die and you should never take a day for granted because it could be your last. I am living in the moment and not thinking to far into the future because I do not know what it holds. I also don't want to cause myself anxiety about the what ifs of future. As long as I feel good today I am going to make the most of it.
The one side effect that I have developed in the last month or so is pain in my hips, knees and ankles. I feel like an old person every time I get up out of bed or stand up from sitting. I looked it up online and I think it is post chemo rheumatism (joint pain). I do not want to go back to the doctor to ask for sure just in case it is bad news, but I really feel that this is what it is. All the symptoms I have relate to it being this. It sucks but I try to not think about it and just deal with it when it happens. I could have every reason in the world to be depressed but I am not! I refuse to let cancer take away my happiness. I heard a quote the other day that I just love. "Cancer is not a death sentence, but rather a life sentence, it pushes one to live."
Monday, June 1, 2015
Chemo port removal
Today I had my chemo port removed. I didn't want to have to deal with getting it flushed every 6-8 weeks and have the constant reminder of cancer. My oncologist said I could remove it whenever I wanted and that if I ever have to do chemo again we could use my arm or worst case scenario they could put it back in. Others recommend leaving it in for two years. Honestly I am ready to put this cancer journey behind me and start living. I have one more follow up with my radiation oncologist this month and then follow ups with my medical oncologist every three months for the next two years. After all I have been through I think going to the doctor once every three months will be a breeze.
Jeff and Kaci took me to the hospital this morning. We had to be at the hospital at 6:00AM and my surgery was scheduled for 7:30AM. I was hoping to be able to sleep in a little bit since I took the day off of work but I had to get up earlier than what I do on a work day. I was the first on the schedule and they were on time. When I woke up it was a little after 8:00AM. We left the hospital at 8:30AM and were home a little after 9:00AM (we had to stop and get some pool salt). It was a super easy procedure and I was not nervous at all. I guess that is what cancer does to a person. I came home and slept until about 1:00PM and took it easy for a while. Tonight I mowed the back lawn, got some wash done, finished getting the pool ready and vacuumed the house. I am a little sore but I am trying not to think about it and just keep going.
We asked if I could keep the chemo port as a souvenir. Dr. Megan said they just throw them away so she said we could have it. It is crazy that it was in my body and that is what delivered the hard core drugs throughout my system. The best part was it was purple.
My wounds from radiation healed up last Thursday, almost 2 weeks to the day I finished. That is exactly what Dr. Fisher said it would do. He said it will heal up fast and sure enough it did. Last Wednesday my back stopped oozing and felt better and then when I woke up on Thursday my armpit had healed. It is so weird that it can be all gross and oozing one day and the next all dried up and looking like nothing had happened. I have never had a wound heal like this one did. I am so glad it is all better. I still have some pain but it is definitely feeling a lot better. The skin where it was radiated feels so tight and it hurts to raise my arm up. I hope over time it will ease up.
I feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life. Now all the surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation are completed I can start living again. I don't know what my new normal will be but I will just take it one day at a time and make every day count. I will start the next course of my treatment, hormone therapy on June 15th. I am nervous to start Tamoxifen and I hoping that I don't have many side effects. I do not want it to diminish my quality of life.
What a loving and supportive family I have. I love these pictures because they show the end of "our journey". All of us have been through so much, both good and bad. I can't believe we have made it to the end.
Jeff and Kaci took me to the hospital this morning. We had to be at the hospital at 6:00AM and my surgery was scheduled for 7:30AM. I was hoping to be able to sleep in a little bit since I took the day off of work but I had to get up earlier than what I do on a work day. I was the first on the schedule and they were on time. When I woke up it was a little after 8:00AM. We left the hospital at 8:30AM and were home a little after 9:00AM (we had to stop and get some pool salt). It was a super easy procedure and I was not nervous at all. I guess that is what cancer does to a person. I came home and slept until about 1:00PM and took it easy for a while. Tonight I mowed the back lawn, got some wash done, finished getting the pool ready and vacuumed the house. I am a little sore but I am trying not to think about it and just keep going.
We asked if I could keep the chemo port as a souvenir. Dr. Megan said they just throw them away so she said we could have it. It is crazy that it was in my body and that is what delivered the hard core drugs throughout my system. The best part was it was purple.
My wounds from radiation healed up last Thursday, almost 2 weeks to the day I finished. That is exactly what Dr. Fisher said it would do. He said it will heal up fast and sure enough it did. Last Wednesday my back stopped oozing and felt better and then when I woke up on Thursday my armpit had healed. It is so weird that it can be all gross and oozing one day and the next all dried up and looking like nothing had happened. I have never had a wound heal like this one did. I am so glad it is all better. I still have some pain but it is definitely feeling a lot better. The skin where it was radiated feels so tight and it hurts to raise my arm up. I hope over time it will ease up.
I feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life. Now all the surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation are completed I can start living again. I don't know what my new normal will be but I will just take it one day at a time and make every day count. I will start the next course of my treatment, hormone therapy on June 15th. I am nervous to start Tamoxifen and I hoping that I don't have many side effects. I do not want it to diminish my quality of life.
What a loving and supportive family I have. I love these pictures because they show the end of "our journey". All of us have been through so much, both good and bad. I can't believe we have made it to the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)