All of 2018

2018 was a great year and probably the best of my life so far.  We started off the year saving money so we could go on my bucket list trip to Hawaii with our family in March/April.  It was on my bucket list because I wanted to show my daughter Kaci where Jeff and I got married on the island of Oahu on November 2, 2001.  It was a great trip with all of those that were there for our wedding as well as our daughter and my niece who were not born at the time when we got married.  We had a great time and rented a very nice house near Waikiki so we could all be together.  When we got to the wedding location we were sad to find that it was very run down and is now a base camp for the homeless.  It broke my heart at how many homeless people there were.  We had a wonderful time with our families though and made some great memories.

My little family at Germaine's Luau

All of us over by the North Shore

Waikiki Beach

The 3 of us at the place where we got married-near Waikiki Beach

The day we got home from Hawaii my husband had to go process out of his job that he had worked at for 23 years.  The new CEO decided to organize the healthcare company he works for and his position was cut.  While this was a hard time for us it was also good because we got to see Jeff so much more since he had been in school for 11 years previously as well as working full time.  Kaci finished up her competition dance season as well as 7th grade (her first year in junior high).  Jeff did receive a nice severance package so we were able to have so much fun during the summer with over 70 nights of camping which is a record for us.  We took a little camping trip in February to the sand dunes (crazy I know and had to come home one day early because of a huge snowstorm heading our way), March to the west desert which was cold but not snowing and in May we headed to Island park and Yellowstone with our moms and then hit it hard in June, July, August, September and October.  We mostly went camping around home but did take a 10 day road trip in July to Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Park, it was just the 3 of us and the dog and cat and we had the time of our lives.  I have never had a trip like this and it was by far my favorite trip of my life so far.  I think it was so great because we were unplugged the entire time as cell phone service is very spotty and so we were just together making our own memories by the campfire, playing card games, taking walks, attending amphitheater programs in the park and taking long drives.  These memories we made will last forever and we are excited for 2019 to try and repeat this trip.  While we were in Yellowstone we decided to try and find the wolves as these were the only animals we hadn't seen yet in all of our years.  We got up at 4:30am to drive 2 hours to where we heard they were and we were able to find them.  They were really far away but we had our spotting scope so we were able to see them.  This was by far my very most memorable trip filled with great memories.  It was just the 3 of us and very much needed for our little family.

Kaci at her dance recital she received her 10 year award.

Our Yellowstone campground

Grand Tetons

Yellowstone Lake

String Lake in Grand Teton

Camping in the Uintah's

Fishing at Whitney Reservoir in the Uintah's

Sourdough camping over the 24th of July (Utah holiday)

Then came fall and Kaci went back to school.  I cannot believe she is in the 8th grade.  Time is going by so fast.  We have some really good times but also some really challenging times as she navigates these teen age years.  She is such a good person with a heart of gold.  She will do anything for her friends and family.  She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age, always thinking of others and so giving.  Since she started school our camping slowed down a bit to just a 1 or 2 night camp trip up to our property on the weekends.  We pulled the trailer down the week before Halloween which is a record for us.  We watched the weather reports and decided we could stay a bit longer.  It was so enjoyable being able to watch fall hit the mountains even before the trees at our home started to change.  It delayed our fall a bit which was so nice because I love fall and it always seems to happen so fast.  We also took a 2 night trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming in October to see the Tetons and Yellowstone again for the 3rd time this year.  Did I tell you that Grand Teton is my most favorite place in the whole world and I can get there in about a 4-1/2 hour drive?  Now the only season I haven't seen them is in the early Spring, maybe this new year???

Kaci's first day of 8th grade

Our fall trip to Grand Teton and Yellowstone 3rd time this year (Jenny Lake)

We had a very nice Thanksgiving at our house with our families as well as our annual gingerbread house party that I started many years ago, Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day dinner.  We had some good quality time with our parents.  The year ended with a shrimp fry and a movie for New Years Eve.

Christmas Eve with my mom and Jeff's dad and step-mom

This has been a year that we have played extra hard and it was all possible because Jeff didn't have a job and we were able to take off almost whenever we wanted for long weekends and since I have been at my company for over 14 years I have some PTO time built up.  I am so very glad we were able to take this time and create so many family memories.  He has now landed a job at HAFB as of mid-October, a little later than we were hoping but we are excited to see where this job will take him.

I feel so fulfilled in my life right now and with all of the memories we created this year but yet I still feel this sense of urgency to get in as many memories and experiences as I can going forward.  I  guess that is how we should all live whether you are faced with a diagnosis like mine or not.  We all need to live in the moment more often and not worry so much about the past and not fear the future.  Just soak up the memories right now.

I have already started planning all of our little trips for 2019, you have to get camping reservations as soon as possible if you plan on going anywhere.  We already have an Easter camping trip planned with our family, we have reservations for Yellowstone in July for our road trip, Bear Lake for August and in October Jeff's mom is wanting to take us on a cruise so we have that booked as well.  I am hoping that we are able to do all of these trips as well as many more last minute camping trips this year.  You could say that I am addicted to camping.  There is nothing I love more than taking one of my trailers and exploring new areas as well as camping at our property up in the mountains in the summer.  I love the mountains!!!!  Maybe I love them so much because all of my worries disappear when I get up there.  I love nature so much and life is able to slow down a bit when you are in the mountains.  I think I love it so much because we are able to cook our own food and sleep in our own beds as well as take our dog and cat with us so we are all together.  I prefer taking my trailers rather than renting a hotel anytime!!!

I have made it 4 years since my diagnosis on November 3, 2014.   I have nothing new to report as far as cancer goes.  I still have not gone back to my oncologist or surgeon since the end of 2016.  That may or may not be a good thing (it is a personal choice) but for me right now in this very moment it is a very good thing.  I don't have much anxiety anymore over what happened to me and I do believe it is because I do not go to my doctors.  Nothing against them personally as they were wonderful but the anxiety that would overcome me for weeks before and after these appointments was horrible.  It was like I had to relive everything again, I do believe this is what PTSD feels like.  I continue to feel good and so I take that as a very good sign and press forward.  I also still do not take any hormone blockers (Tamoxifen) and haven't since November of 2016 and I feel so much better.  I do feel like I have a good quality of life now that I didn't before when I was on them.  I still have hot flashes periodically and then they will stop again and then start up again, it goes back and forth and I never know as there is no rhyme or reason for them.  My OBGYN said I am in peri-menopause and that is the reason for the hot flashes coming and going.  They are very annoying and I sure hope I get through this menopause thing soon.  I always wonder where I would be had I not had chemotherapy as it has messed up my hormones so bad.

I still struggle from time to time with the way I look.  I do feel like the cancer treatments have left me looking a bit older and heavier than I should right now.  It was extremely hard on my body and then there is my hair which continues to be super thin on top and sides (it will grow and then fall out).  I really can't do much about it so I have just kept it short so it doesn't appear to look as thin as it really is, I also cannot curl since it is so fine and thin and won't hold a curl.  This is the hardest part, I was really hoping after everything I went through that my hair would at least grow back to the way it was or even better, thicker than it was before.  I don't know why I thought this side effect would be normal and all of my hair would come back since all of the other side effects I was given from chemo were odd and most people don't experience them except me.  I try my best to do positive "self talk" and tell myself I am beautiful no matter what and to see my self as a warrior from all that I have been through.  What makes us more beautiful than ever is who we are on the inside.  I need to let my light shine bright and not shy away from people or situations just because I don't  feel pretty, I need to let them see who I am and what I stand for.  This has by far been my biggest challenge since my treatments have ended.

Breast cancer has presented itself to so many I know this year.  I had a couple of friends at work whose spouses were diagnosed with breast cancer and had to endure surgery and radiation, they were lucky that they caught it so early from mammograms so they didn't have to do chemotherapy.  I was also put in touch with a friend of a friend who had to go through surgery, chemo and radiation and she just barely finished chemo on December 10th (I am so proud of you Regen!!!!).  She will now get ready to start the long 6 weeks of radiation.

Then to really throw me for a loop, my very good friend and neighbor who did so much to take care of me during my treatments, her husband was diagnosed with breast cancer  (yes a man my exact same age who I went to school with diagnosed with breast cancer!!!!).  I just found out about this on Friday, December 14th and my heart is absolutely broken.  This friend of mine organized meals along two of my other friends/neighbors.  She would bring us treats randomly, check in with texts and phone calls, brought me a couple of very special gifts and even brought me a cake and balloons to congratulate me when I was done with chemo.  You name it she did everything for me!!!!  She has 6 kids who need her as well as her husband.  She is going through a very tough time right now and they are being told he will need a mastectomy surgery, chemo, radiation and Tamoxifen.  I know exactly how they feel right now and I know what they are going to go through and it will probably be the hardest thing they go through in their lives.  Their cute daughter is my daughter's really good friend.  I know my sweet Kaci will be there for their daughter.  It is now my family's time to serve them and serve them we will.  I love this family with my whole heart and have shed many tears over the last few days for this family.  I have also said so many prayers for them.  Getting diagnosed doesn't ever come at a "good" time but this time of year is really bad, especially when you have little kids like they do.  With me being diagnosed in November I still do get a sick feeling in my stomach during this time of year.  I still remember the reason for Christmas so some of my fears subside but others just won't go away.    However, this new diagnosis for my friend and her family has brought it all back fore me as clear as day.  I still know to live each and every moment to it's fullest.  I enjoyed the holidays with my family but this sweet family is definitely in my thoughts 24/7.  Life can sure throw us a curve ball sometimes and you just never know.  I will say it again and again but live life in the moment because it can change so fast.  Be kind to everyone you meet because they might be fighting a battle that you know nothing about and that little smile you gave them might be the only bright spot in their day.  Love others and help others any chance you get.

Here is to another great year coming up.  Bring on 2019!!!!!