My breast cancer journey: August 2016

I had another 4 month check up with my oncologist on July 28th. I am late in writing about it but quite frankly I am living the dream and don't like to think back to my cancer days. I do need to write this update though even if I am 2 weeks late.

My appointment was at 9:30AM on July 28th and of course I had anxiety leading up to the appointment again. It started a week before but I was able to calm myself a little bit but the closer it got the more "sick" I made myself. I seriously wish you could just turn off your mind sometimes. It is crazy how physically sick your mind can make you.

When I pulled in the parking lot I was sick and had to run to the bathroom before I got checked in. All the nervousness makes my stomach so upset. I got checked in and didn't even have a chance to sit down before they called me back which is a good thing because sitting there in the waiting room would have made my anxiety worse. Nicole took my blood and all my vitals and then I was taken to a room. Seriously the smells and atmosphere in the office is enough to make me want to puke. Nothing against anyone that works there but after going through chemo and how sick it made me, the flashbacks are almost just as bad and I literally feel the way I did while going through chemo, it is crazy! My doctor came in to greet us and wished me a Happy Birthday on Saturday. I thought that was very nice of him. Before cancer my birthday wasn't a big deal but now it is a very big deal because I want to have many more of them. We talked about how I have been feeling and if I had any concerns. I told him I feel the same and nothing has changed since last time. The menopausal symptoms still give me a lot of discomfort. The arthritis in my legs continues to make me walk like an old lady. Yada, yada, yada!!!!!

I talked to my oncologist about seeing "other" doctors like my OB GYN, my surgeon and radiation oncologist. I am really just done with doctors other than my oncologist. He told me that there isn't a need to see my surgeon or radiation oncologist and quite possibly my OB/GYN if I don't want to. Well, I don't want to. My radiation oncologists office has called me three times to make an appointment and even sent a reminder in the mail. I have ignored them all and it feels good, not because I don't like the people because I do like them very much, it is that I feel like I am in control of my life and body finally! I don't want to spend more money on worthless doctors appointments and more anxiety than I care to have. My oncologist told me that he would take care of all my of needs however I will need to see someone separate for my high cholesterol. He recommended someone in general practice (I do not want to go back to my OB/GYN see my post about breaking up with a doctor). I have someone in mind and I have seen her a time or two before as has Kaci and I really like her plus her office is really close to my home. So for now I will keep taking my statin that the last doctor gave me until I run out and then I will make an appointment with the general practice doctor. I would like to see if my cholesterol has come down or not after 6 months of taking it before I run into her office.

My blood work results came back good. He checked my hormone levels and they continue to show that I am in menopause however he said there is still a chance that I might come out of it. I just don't feel like that is going to happen for me though. I think it is permanent especially since the women in my family all started menopause in their late 30's or early 40's. He also checked my chest wall and armpits for anything unusual and didn't find anything.

I asked about increasing my Gabapentin for the hot flashes so he gave me a higher dose and I can play with it a little bit. I don't think it is going to work for me. I have increased my dosage and it has made me a walking zombie and my hot flashes are still just as strong. I am getting to the point that I am just going to have to accept them for what they are. They never get easier though and some of them still continue to be quite debilitating. Same old story!!! I am hoping that over time things will change and I will have some happy news to report about the hot flashes. I would take the pain from the arthritis any day over the hot flashes and until you have experienced both of them I am sure you would too!

I go back and see my oncologist again in 4 months and after that he said I will graduate to every 6 month appointments since this November is two years since my diagnosis. It will be so nice to have these appointments spaced out a little bit further. I still worry a lot about what my future holds but I do try and live in the moment and make plans for the future. I have my good days and bad days but until you go through something like this you won't understand. Life does get back to normal and you do fall into the same old ruts but then certain things take you back and make you appreciate everything again. Just like this morning I was driving into work and the sunrise got to me because it was so beautiful and then I remembered that I need to enjoy this day. God gave us this beautiful sunrise to enjoy and there are beautiful things all around us in this hard life. We need to love and appreciate the beauty that is all around us and that includes everything and everyone.

We had a big weekend planned for my 42nd birthday on July 30th. Since it fell on a Saturday we were able to celebrate up camping and with my 4 month check up behind me I could focus on a great birthday weekend. We left to go camping on Friday night and on Saturday morning (my birthday) we headed up to Monte Cristo parking lot which is only a few miles from our summer camping lot at Sourdough and we met our friends there for a nice scenic 4-wheeling ride to Bear Lake, Utah. The ride to Bear Lake took us about 4 hours and along the way we saw that someone had left their campfire smoldering. We poured our bottled water on it and put dirt on and waited around until we were sure it was out. There have been so many fires around our state from our very hot and dry summer and one of my friends that came with us has some mountain property in Wyoming that caught fire just 2 days before and he wasn't sure if his place had burned or not, sometimes people are so irresponsible. Once we got to Bear Lake we ate at The Bear Lake Pizza Place and got a gigantic pizza called the "Old Ephraim". There were 9 of us and we were able to finish all but about 2 pieces of pizza. Then we had to get a milkshake for dessert and then we headed back. The ride back was very quick since we went a different way, we made it back in 2 hours. When we got back to camp we all took a shower and then Kaci and Mom had made me a birthday cake and I opened presents. It was such a fun birthday. We stayed up camping for another two nights and on Monday before we left Mom and I took a RZR ride around Sourdough and stumbled upon 2 bull moose that were taking a dip in one of the ponds. We watched them for almost an hour. It was absolutely amazing and something I will never forget.

This summer has been super busy with us camping almost every weekend since the middle of June. I have enjoyed it so much and I love it in the mountains. I have also enjoyed having Friday's off from work this summer and being able to spend it with Kaci. We haven't done as much as I had hoped but we have gotten a few things in. I am looking forward to fall and the change of seasons. School starts on August 23rd and Kaci is beyond excited to start 6th grade. Life is about to resume to our normal fast pace with school, homework, dance, friends and work. I guess I am ready for it. I am looking forward to still having my Friday's off from work and that way I can get all of my chores done so we can enjoy our weekends together.

That is all for now. Enjoy the pictures from my fun birthday weekend!